My Love Story….

My love story will be different…It won’t be a “married to my high school sweetheart” story. It won’t be a “rocky marriage and reconciliation” story. It won’t be a “happily ever after right after divorce” story. No, my love story will be different.

My love story will be learning about how much God loves me, even in the midst of painful losses and rejections. My love story will be learning to love myself in the midst of them to0. Learning to love myself even when made to feel unlovable. Learning to love myself after being torn down to a nub by men in my life. Learning that not all men and women are the same….

Right after my divorce, I fell hard for a guy. He gave me more attention that I’d ever received from my ex-husband. We dated over a year, but he refused to commit. So, heartbroken again, I knew I had to stop the rollercoaster of not knowing what he wanted from me. Cue the next few guys who wanted to marry me after our first date. And some even before. What was going on?!?

First guy turned out to be on parole for double homicide (his wife and another guy)! Next two had mental issues, so much so, that suicide was mentioned after ending things. The fear of God set in. What was a single mom with two daughters to do?  Just stop? Or keep trying, trusting God. I chose the latter……My love story will be different.

The only way I could trust God with my romantic life after these stories was IF I loved Him enough and trusted His love for me. I can’t tell you how many times, I’ve cried out, thinking it won’t happen for me. It just can’t after these stories…The fear would be too great or the rug would be yanked out from under me, again.

I dated a guy who truly loved me, but we split over spiritual beliefs. I’ve dated a guy recommended by one of my best friends. I thought that he was my reward for standing up for my beliefs. That turned out to be false too and ever so painful and confusing all over again. What was going on?!?

The guy before has come back around. God spoke to his heart in my absence and it turns out our spiritual beliefs aren’t as different as we thought. Surprisingly, close. He knows all my fears, issues, and concerns. His love still rings true. God’s will be done.

My love story will be different….God will be my first love. My love story will be an open book of the love we share. I will run to Him when I hurt. I will lean on Him when I’m scared. I will share who He is to me. I will trust Him with my life. And, if it turns out that He just wants me all to Himself, my love story will be complete. I will live to please and honor Him all the days of my life.

 

 

When the Clouds Part

clouds

The last couple of days have felt extremely refreshing. I can’t think of any particular reason why….Have you ever had a few good hours, days, or weeks, and wondered when the clouds will return? There is a discipline to enjoying the good days rather than waiting and anticipating the next storm to roll in. Joy is a gift from God. It’s a fruit that He wants us to enjoy and partake of as much as possible on this earth. Give thanks for relief, peace, and laughter when they show their lovely faces. Enjoy and rest in what God has already done in your life. He’s still on the job and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

He carries us when we need to be carried. He fights for us when we turn it over. He weeps with us in our grief. AND, he smiles with us when we are happy. What a beautiful thought. When we have joy and peace, it’s from Him. When we need help, He’s there. Just like the parent we wish we could be for our kids, He is omnipresent, all-powerful, and all-loving. He rejoices over us.

The Lord your God is with you. He is a hero who saves you. He happily rejoices over you, renews you with His love, and celebrates over you with shouts of joy. Zepheniah 3:17 (GW)

He celebrates us! Not just WITH us, but He celebrates US. In the NIV version, the same verse says He will “rejoice over you in singing.” Can you even imagine that God sings over each of us? Our very own personal love song from the One who died for us. Now, that’s a beautiful love story.

When your life is good, let it be good! Soak in the sunshine and take in a big, deep, beautiful breath. Exhale, smile, and repeat. When the next trial arrives, He’ll be there. He always is. Relish in the good days and remember that when we are smiling, our Father is too…